Sometimes I wonder what crazy plan the Lord has for me. How do I fit into His plan? But it has been good, I am okay waiting, being patient. I don’t know that I am going to have a huge revelation about what to do this summer, but I do know that the Lord has been persistent in putting on my heart to give my summer to Him in inner city ministry. I just don’t know which one, how to explain to my parents, and how to convince them that God will provide financially. Also, how does this obeying the Lord above your parents but still honoring them thing work? And when do I tell my parents I don’t think I am suppose to be a teacher and that I am going to do something in full-time ministry… hmmm. I am excited to see what God does, whether or not I am teaching or in another country or at a camp or in an office.
Today is the last day of tutoring. (However, we are all taking a trip to Milwaukee for 5 days.) It has been an interesting 7 weeks. I definitely thought I would gain more insight about teaching and grow as a teacher. But I didn’t, not as much as I thought would. Instead, I grew spiritually. I took leaps and bounds forward, and then some backward… but as long as I continue forward I think that that is part of the walk. For the first time I have experienced being Christ’s birde. For the first time I have recognized spiritual warfare. I have never been so lonely and so complete at one time. If that makes any sense. I still don’t understand fellowship and how our brothers and sisters are suppose to fit into the picture. But I do know that I need them to fight with me in the Lord’s Army. For the first time, I have recognized Christ shining through me. Well I didn’t recognize it at first, but the more I reflect on things, I realize that there is no way that it was me. I am blown away by the way He uses me without me even knowing it. That His characteristics shine through, only by His grace, what a blessing! I am content with Him planting seeds and me not trying to save the world…hehe! I have also realized that I am terrible at guarding my heart, I am NOT ready for a relationship…much less a husband. I still don’t know how to deal with my loneliness, I can’t really explain it. It’s not about having friends or people to hang out with. But more about discussing the Word, praying, sharing, listening, and encouraging. I have been blessed with rich quiet times, but I think that we need brothers and sisters to discuss and push eachother deeper. And not to mention the fact that we NEED brothers and sisters to fight with us and for us along side the Lord. So yeah, summer isn’t quite over, but it seems that it is slowly coming to an end. I will leave you with this…
Imagine and hear Jesus whispering this into your ear. Gentle and merciful touch.
” Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Jesus Matthew 11: 28-30
So I haven’t updated in a while. I have been in the dumps. A little sad, a little worn out, and lonely. But I am fighting through it. With God by my side fighting for his daughter. I have been learning new things, whether or not I like to hear them. Although the distractions have been dificult to combat, plus old temptations that I have not had to deal with in years. I heard a song today that caught my ear. The lyric was something like this:
“I get on my knees to get back on my feet again”
And so, that is what I am doing. Toodles!
I am in Love! Never have I experienced such a relationship as this. This is not a new relationship, in fact it has been in the works for years now. But just within the last few months, it has become a romantic relationship. One that I would have never imagined. I can only pray that each and every one of you will someday or are experiencing a love this beautiful. The gentle wispers of his voice as it softly blows across my face. The love notes left in special places close to my heart. His heart for me and the compassion he continuously shows me that gently brings me back to him. The commitment that he has made to me that I can trust in, that I know will never and can never be broken. Only this man could be so perfect of a lover. The greatest thing is that this is just the beginning of a great love story. Imagine what it may be in a few years, in eternity! Hosea 2:14 Therefore I am going to allure; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. 16 In that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘my husband’. 19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord. 23 I will show my love to those I called’ Not my loved one’. I will say to those called ‘Not my people’, ‘You are my people’; and they will say ‘ You are my God’.
Hey Ya’ll. I cannot express how sweet it was to be home this weekend. Home Sweet Home. I was home with people who genuinely loved me and cared for me. I felt accepted for the first time in three weeks. Although harrassed, it was harrasment with true love in it. The more time I spend with my family the better I get at comebacks… let me tell you, this weekend I was really firing them back! I had some great conversations with family members that I have not been able to have serious talks with in a long time. It was so hard to leave home again. I have come back refreshed but tired. Thank Jesus for the ways that He fills me, especially throughout this summer, that has been a summer of deep loneliness. I loved home so much that I am planning on going home again this coming weekend. Even though gas is soooo high. So I just wanted to report the awesome weekend that I had. *good sigh* 🙂
Ok, so I am still really battling loneliness…big big sigh. Tear Tear. I don;t know what to do.
OK so, I changed the colors again… there is something disgustingly pretty about this color scheme, I am not quite sure why I like it. But let me know what you think. Do you lean towards more disgusting or more pretty?
So after being on the job, ( UB tutor/RA ) for two weeks, I have decided that I am glad I never applied to be an RA. I am not made for that position. First of all, I am THE trouble maker, not the enforcer. I want to be the rebel, but when I am put in the position of enforcing the rules, there is no rule breaking or bending with me. Funny huh? Second of all, when someone is breaking the rules, I HATE telling someone that they are, I HATE asking them to stop. Not only do I dislike confronting people… I am just not good at it. You know how some people are just talented at saying the right words that don’t offend someone but gets the point across gently and politely?, well that’s something I could use a lot of work on! The third reason I should never be an RA would be the sleep factor. Late nights, stink… and my late nights aren’t even comparable to real RA late nights. That’s it I am pretty sure there are way more reasons but I don’t feel like typing anymore.
So I did some renovation here as you can see. To tell you the truth, I like the other color scheme better. But I like change, so there. Not too many funny stories to tell or new revelations. Just that I LOVE JESUS! And it is so hot! I don’t think I have sweated this much in this many consecutive days. Oh how I long for air conditioning. Can’t wait for the fourth…woot woot. Plus I don;t have to work an eleven hour shift on Saturday, just a seven, which rocks my world! Later dudes!
*** so after the fact of being overanalytical and boy crazy I realized that this was a hilarious entry, spur of the moment entry, one that you look back on and just say to yourself, what was I thinking, so I will leave it up just for your simple enjoyment. Enjoy! but make sure to laugh and also realize that I am not always this … weird… oh whatever word you may come up with to describe me.
Hey guys, funny thingy here. So I don’t get asked to do a lot of things my guys very much. I was never very good at finding that line of friendship or if there was potential for anything more. I have always skipped JUST being friends with guys. So in the last month I have been asked by three different guys to do various things. Which all three may be not even remotely interested in me. But you know, I just get so giddy cuz it doesn’t happen very often. So one guy I think just asked me cuz his Mom thought it would a good idea… had to turn him down due to other plans, one guy ( who may very well be gay) asked ME to go downtown and dance… both of which I am terrible at doing… had to turn him down, and one that I haven’t turned down but I don’t have interest, I hope he doesn’t have interest in me. Ugh, I just want to be normal and not come to conclusions just about hanging out. why am I so silly, I know deep down that probably none of those guys are really interested in me. But I continue to get overexcited only to be let done, plus I really just want to protect my heart which I am terrible at, so I tend to JUST SAY NO… hehe. So yeah, here’s my goofy rant, thought I would share my goofieness. *sigh* It’s like I want ot be single so I don’t want guys to even talk to me, but then I get so sparkly eyed when asked to do something. I have a problem, I think I am in boy crazy denial. YUCK!